Sunday, 11 October 2015

Some thoughts on Perfect Blue

So glad I got around to watch this, a head on take on existentialism with a pop-idol turned actress setting and it was really well done.

One of the first questions I asked myself after finishing it: did I ever doubt myself for not being true to myself? yes I have on multiple occasions so I presume it isn't unnatural for one to doubt but what to do with this doubt, that's what Perfect Blue was about. In Perfect Blue, doubt was a result of a commitment to a decision made years ago, perhaps, it wasn't an explicit commitment but something that had been decided subconsciously. The thing about decisions for long term plans is that there's no certainty that we will stick to it till the end, it isn't a matter of difficulty/hurdles, they are meant to overcome, rather reality hitting us, obliterating what we imagined/hoped for, leaving us discontent, or in some cases, we discover something new that really resonates with us, something that you think you're meant to do.

That is what happens for Mima in Perfect Blue, she discovers acting but her subconscious commitment towards being an idol haunts her through hallucinations and nightmares. She did become an idol but it wasn't what she truly wanted or at least, it was something that she wasn't content with and that's fine, it happens, you never know about some things until you try. She makes the decision to move to a different career fully aware that she was determined to be an idol singer at an earlier point. This gave rise to a doubt, that she might not be her 'true self', she might be a fake, this dilemma was further fueled by her 'stalker' which reaches to a point that she questions her very existence. Truth is, there is no real you or fake you, there is just you unless of course, you have 'dissociative identity disorder' where a person subconsciously develops another personality without their own knowledge. This is something the movie specifies in the most natural way, it's ingenious. The more I thought about what happened in the movie, the more it blew my mind. The movie ends with Mima saying "I'm the real me" reassuring that she no longer doubts herself and boy did that line hit the spot.

This isn't a story of how she rose to the top, it's a personal battle, something that's not restricted to 'switching careers'. Changing your decision doesn't make you any less true to yourself, you will remain yourself, you are what you decide. There is no need to constrain yourself to shackles of commitment, you learn new things which can potentially change your life and that's important to remember. Not everyone is going to be happy about it but at the end of the day, it's your life, you should do what makes you content, people may not understand that initially at least. That being said, commitments are definitely a good thing but they need to know their place, it doesn't apply everywhere especially when uncertainty is involved.

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